User blog:El Alamein/Lao Che's Gang vs. the Joker Gang
It's a battle of the inner-city's filthiest scum who will let lead fly over a simple insult! Lao Che's Chinese mafia, the vile mobsters who control Shanghai's underground with an iron fist and run nearly all of its illegal rackets, and the Joker Gang, well-armed, expendable but ruthless minions of the Joker who would kill one another at the drop of a dime! Neither group is very competent at achieving victory without leadership, and when both the Joker and Lao Che are taken out of the picture, how will these groups of men who live for money fare against each other? Handguns and submachine guns will determine the outcome of this battle to see who is the deadliest warrior! Lao Che's Gang The Lao Che gang is a Chinese mafia run by Lao Che. Operating in Shanghai, they own several nightclubs (like the Club Obi-Wan) and more likely than not run other illegal rackets through the city. In 1935, Indiana Jones comes to exchange a rare diamond for the stolen ashes of an ancient Chinese Emperor. The gangster poison Jones, though, and demand the diamond in exchange for his antidote, hoping to make away with both treasures. Indiana Jones grabs a flaming shish-kebab and throws it into the chest of one of Lao Che's sons, killing him, and a gunfight erupts. Indiana Jones secures the antidote and rushes to the streets of the city where his driver, Short Round (who is no more than a boy), awaits, and they speed off, with the Lao Che gang hot in pursuit. Although Jones escapes their clutches, the plane he boards to escape is piloted by Lao Che's men and they bail out over the mountains, leaving Jones and his friends in a falling plane to a certain death - but Jones being Jones, he takes an inflatable raft and escapes safely. The Joker Gang The Joker Gang are the gang led by the Joker in The Dark Knight. They are the standard type of Joker gangs, similar to those featured in other Batman media, most notably due to the fact that the Joker treats them like expendable buffoons. They follow Joker's commands blindly, going to the point of killing each other just because the Joker told them to. As a team, however, their handiwork at all aspects is unrivaled, and with Joker's leadership they successfully broke into the bank. *Dopey is the alarm disabler, who allowed the rest of the buglars to break into the bank. He is the first one to be killed, shot in the back by Happy. His mask features a drooping nose with blue paint on the tip, and red paint around the eyes and mouth. A tuft of brown hair sprouts at the top of the mask. *Happy is the vault opener, who killed Dopey and went inside to rendezvous with Grumpy. After revealing that he was ordered by the Joker to shoot Dopey, Grumpy remarks "Funny... I was told something similar." before killing Happy with several gunshots. His mask features a puckering face with blue paint around the mouth and eyes, and red paint on the nose and eyebrows, with a decent head of red hair sitting on the top of the mask. *Grumpy is one of the three bank robbers who broke into the bank. He met up with Happy, the the vault opener, and killed him per Joker's orders. After a brief standoff with the Joker in disguise, a bus plowed through the side of the bank and killed Grumpy. His mask features a grotesquely smiling face with a tuft of multicolored hair on the top and blue makeup around the eyes. *Chuckles the second of the bank robbers (the third being the Joker in disguise) and was the only clown who didn't kill a fellow bank robber and wasn't killed by one in return. After breaking into the bank and ordering people to get down, he was shot and killed by the bank manager. His mask features a face with bared teeth, blue paint around the eyes in a plus or cross pattern, and small blue eyebrows. *Joker's Bus Driver is the only gang member who has no known callsign. When Grumpy pointed his gun at the Joker, the bus drove through the side of the bank and killed him. The Bus Driver helped Joker to load the money into the bus, but when he asked the Joker where the other gang members are, was shot dead. His mask features tufts of blue hair on the side of a bald head with red paint over the eyes and over the wicked-looking smile on the face. Battle: Lao Che's Gang: The Joker Gang: A big yellow school bus pulls up outside of Club Obi-Wan. Dopey and Happy sneak around the side of the nightclub while Chuckles and Grumpy burst in through the front door. The club is bright and lively and most of the partygoers don't notice the intrustion of the clowns... until Chuckles raises his MAC-10 and fires off an entire clip into the air. "Everybody get DOWN!" he shouted. The club erupted into a scene of pandemonium, Grumpy firing his Glock handgun randomly into the air. Behind the counter, several members of Lao Che's mafia duck in surprise. Their weapons are stashed in the counter, and they pop up with revolvers and a Thompson, spraying back at the Joker gang. The goons are caught by surprise but the Chinese gangsters hip-firing are doing themselves no favor in accuracy. Two more Lao Che gangsters are hiding in the crowd, and one of them picks up a flaming shish kabob and hurls it point-blank at Grumpy. The flaming stick flies through the air at the criminal but it doesn't cause him physical damage. Grumpy turns his Glock over at the mafioso and plugs several shots into his forehead. Towards the back of the bar, Happy and Dopey burst in with revolvers but, unfortunately for them, the Lao Che mafiosos turn with the Thompson and spray them down at point blank range. Chuckles swears and sprays the MAC-10 into the crowd as he and Grumpy try to make their escape. Outside, the bus driver holds a S&W Model 15 revolver and nervously looks over his shoulder as Grumpy and Chuckles clamber in, ducking behind the seats. "Drive! Drive"! spits Grumpy. As the bus driver starts to drive away, a 1931 Reo Flying Cloud spins around the corner and Lao Che's mafiosos lean out of the window, popping off shots from their revolvers and spraying with the Thompson. The rounds clink and clang against the side of the bus. Grumpy puts a new magazine into his Glock, whacks the side of the handgun against the back of the bus window, breaking it, and leans out, shooting back. One of the bullets hits one of the Lao Che gangsters in the neck, and he drops his revolver and grabs his throat as it bleeds out. The body is pushed out the window and sprawls out into the busy Shanghai traffic. The smaller Flying Cloud car manages to catch up to the larger bus. Grumpy grins under his mask as he points his Glock at the driver of the car, but his magazine is empty. He ducks back behind the seats as more bullets thump against the side of the bus. The bus driver spins the wheel and rams the Flying Cloud, just as one of the Chinese gangsters fires his revolver into the bus driver's head. The bus slams into the smaller car and both vehicles spin out of control, crashing on the side of the road. The Flying Cloud flips over and plows into the side of a brick building. As the dust clears, the car driver's forehead is smashed open and he's limp over the steering wheel. Grumpy and Chuckles stagger out of the bus' emergency exit on the roof, their revolvers in hand. The two remaining Lao Che gangsters clamber out of the car wreck with their revolvers. Chuckles fires off two shots, injuring one of the gangsters, before the two Joker goons take off down the marketplace. Lao Che's men give chase, the injured one falling behind. The Joker's men run bast market stalls and through sweatshops before they come to a dead end down an alley. A fire escape sits six feet above them. "Give me a boost," says Grumpy. Chuckles pushes him up to the fire escape and reaches up for help when two shots ring out. Chuckles jerks and blood flies through the air before he crumples to the ground. Grumpy ducks into the shadows, painfully aware of how visible he is up on the fire escape. The Lao Che gangsters turn around, satisfied, and start to walk away. Grumpy looks down at Chuckles, who struggles to his feet. They nod and shoot at the Chinese gangsters, dropping both of Lao Che's men with multiple shots to the back and neck. Grumpy hops down from the fire escape and lands a little painfully, but walks over to the injured Chuckles. "Man, some hit, huh?" "The boss isn't gonna be pleased," says Chuckles, leaning against the side of the wall. People are still screaming and police sirens sound in the distance. "No, he won't be pleased at all." Grumpy agrees. "It's just as well - a lot easier to divide by three, eh?" Chuckles laughs. He holds up the money bag he's been carrying this whole time. "The boss told me that." "Chuckles - know what the boss told me?" Grumpy whacks Chuckles on the back of the head with his revolver, breaking open his skull and sending him to the floor. "He told me it's a lot easier to divide by two." Grumpy picks up the bag, takes off his mask, and leaves the three dead bodies in the alleyway, smiling to himself. WINNER: THE JOKER GANG Expert's Opinion While the Joker's gang were a fickle and cowardly bunch, their superior weapons and strong advantage with the school bus kept them in a solid lead that the disciplined Lao Che's gang couldn't beat with inferior technology. Category:Blog posts